So few people actually know the ins and outs of my life, my depression and my anxiety and it was only until recently when talking to a friend was I made aware that it was important to share my experiences with people in order to help others.
A few days ago I had spent a wonderful day with some of my husbands family members. The sunshine was out and my girls were enjoying the day stroking dogs, feeding ducks and playing in the park. It was a relaxing day with a picnic and even a walk in the forest...
We decided to head off home as it was getting late and fast approaching the girls bed time. The train journey was fine apart from the stinky toilet as we ended up in the corridor rather than in where the prams should go as there were suitcases there. This I could deal with but the next journey I could not!
We got off at Limestreet and headed over to queen square bus station to where myself and my husbands devastation and realisation that it was actually a bank holiday which ultimately means less buses more people!!!
This alone started off my anxiety as people where pushing in front of each other before there was even a bus there. We waited for half an hour for our bus and of course never got on it as there where just too many people and not enough space, yet alone for prams. So we waited again... same problem. So we decided we would get the next one whatever it may be if it went at least in the direction of our home in Anfield.
A bus soon came along and we thought we were first in the que, turned out we were wrong! before we knew it another lady shot infront of us with her pram and shouted at a boy (not older than 13) with his baby sister in the pram that he can't get on next as we have 2 children and he had no right.
Obviously, we took sympathy on the poor boy as there was clearly issues at home if he was allowed out with a baby not much older than one; so let him get on before us. To which point the lady flipped saying she had 4 kids and doesn't care what anyone thinks as she had been waiting ages already. The poor boy was mortified and wouldn't get on the bus despite our reassurance that the lady would not touch him.
He wouldnt get on in the end so we got on the bus - my anxiety levels where about 80% at this point as confrontation is not something I enjoy - let alone the crowded bus. The lady ranted all the way home and before we knew it, it was time for us to get off the crowded bus. As we approached the bus stop and I had pressed the bell... my heart began to race as I did not know how to get the pram with bags on through all of these people who quite clearly didn't want to move.
When the bus finally stopped at the bus stop more people got on!! I mean SERIOUSLY DRIVER!! I had totally lost it by this point and screamed at the top of my voice "YOUR ALL GOING TO HAVE TO GET OFF THIS BUS BECAUSE I HAVE 2 PRAMS AND I CANT SQUEEZE PAST YOU ALL!!!!"
Everyone looked at me like a demented woman! Seriously folks, common sense really..... So about 18 people got off and let us out with our prams... out of those 18 people only one smiled at us and said "your welcome hun" when I thanked everyone for moving. That slightly calmed me down - so to the girl who said this, your small words meant alot to me - someone who was literally about to have a fully fledged panic attack!
Dan could see that my heart was racing - literally see my heart beating through my chest as the adrenaline surged through my body and told me that he was proud of me for doing that and managing my anxiety so well. I began to breath my heart rate back to normal but was so wound up for hours after until my mind was ready to let the situation go.
This story for most people would mean absolutely nothing but for someone who suffers from anxiety - you understand everything I was feeling and the thought process behind it all.
It takes me alot to get to this point of anxiousness and happens very rarely but this was a situation totally out of my control.
It would be great to hear from you if you have ever been in a similar situation and how you have dealt with it. Leave a comment below or contact me via email