Living with Anxiety

November 18, 2016

 

 

 

What is the definition of Anxiety? This is what it said when I googled it:

 

anxiety

aŋˈzʌɪəti/

noun

  1. 1.

    a feeling of worry, nervousness, or unease about something with an uncertain outcome.

    "he felt a surge of anxiety"

    synonyms:worry, concern, apprehension, apprehensiveness, consternation, uneasiness, unease,fearfulness, fear, disquiet, disquietude, perturbation, fretfulness, agitation, angst,nervousness, nerves, edginess, tension, tenseness, stress, misgiving, trepidation,foreboding, suspense; More

    •  

  2. 2.

    strong desire or concern to do something or for something to happen.

    "the housekeeper's eager anxiety to please"

    synonyms:eagerness, keenness, desire, impatience, longing, yearning

    "her anxiety to please"

 

Not many people know that I suffer from anxiety as its not often something that comes up in conversation. However the more I talk about it the more self aware I become and it can often make me feel better and overcome certain situations. While I suffer with the first point it is often the second point that overwhelms me and is actually quite debilitating.

 

I'm not sure the actual date that it stems from and/or what triggered it but it slows life down ALOT. I know that after having my two children it definitely got worse - maybe it was the desire to protect them?

 

Before I go out anywhere I have to check every single plug is off, the cooker is off and the tv is definitely off. My ex partners dad was a fireman and he once told me that the leading cause of fires is tvs left in standby.... ever since that day the tv has never been left on over night or while I pop out. Hair straighteners and hairdryers are usually checked they have cooled down before I leave the house and that the fridge and freezer is shut tightly as we wouldn't want wasted food would we? Finally make sure the taps are all off and then we are good to go.

 

My husband can often get frustrated as he knows what I'm doing and will say "just get out will you" - so I do, but even then I have to say "if anything happens is your fault then!". If I don't this never ending feeling of something bad will happen and it will be my fault will follow me around all day while we are out.

 

It doesn't stop there... The night time routine is pretty similar... check all of the plugs are off but then i stand there and check the cooker is off by counting the knobs and making sure the dials are all straight. I'll do this a number of times which is the infuriating part. If I don't and I go up to bed, I will sit there with this (what I call) "soul itch" until I go and check again. 

 

Maybe its because now i'm the responsible adult for the house. I have a beautiful family and home that we have built and I'm just scared of losing it - who knows?!

 

Some days are definitaly better than others - but does anyone else get frustrated by living with anxiety? It is a battle of the mind and one that I'm ready to overcome... would love to hear your thoughts, feelings and how you guys live/overcome anxiety each day. 

 

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